What do you do when you look around and it feels like the world is on fire?

What do you tell your children when you can no longer tell who the good guys are?

How do you cope when your mind can’t process the word war, as your body remembers this heartache of your big Brother being overseas to “protect your country” far too well?

How do you choose the right path when your company is acquired and your role is no longer meant for you after 10 years, but your heart is having a hard time letting go?

When is the right time to get baptized when you feel the longing in your soul for years, like a seed that’s been planted, that’s growing in your veins, but your mind keeps talking you out of it?

Where do you turn when you just want to hug your mom, joke with your brother and ask your grandma for advice, but heaven doesn’t have visiting hours?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 

An entire lifetime leading up to this moment, I finally gave in when I felt my knees give. I had nothing left to give. It was as if all that I was trying to carry on my own all these years, was finally too heavy to bare. All the ways I was trying to be good enough, try hard enough, be strong enough, felt too far away to reach…

Surrendering, I laid down everything. I truly accepted that I couldn’t do it alone. Weightless for a moment, I hung my head and let the tears fall. I prayed, “I can’t do this. I can’t carry it all anymore…What do I do, God? Which door do you want me to go through?” I pleaded.

It was then, as I strained to see through my tears, I saw what looked like water in my marble bathroom floor, and the words were planted into my mind, “get baptized on Easter”.

Ok, I guess this is my time…

I’ve been searching for meaning as long as I can remember, each time I’ve been burned from this broken world. I’ve been grieving since I was a baby, when my father crashed into a telephone pole while drinking and driving. He survived, but my parent’s marriage didn’t. My brother and I went from the light to the darkness, every other weekend and every other holiday for our court ordered “supervised visitation”. I was torn from my mom, my comfort and my safety over and over again.

Striving to be the peacemaker through my childhood, I was trying to cope as a teen and seeking refuge in all the wrong examples, choosing all the wrong ways. I was building armor against this world with the wrong supplies. I felt unworthy of being “good enough” and apathy felt much easier to wear. 

As the years went on, I gained wisdom and started to learn some better coping skills. I began to shed some layers as an adult, breaking away from self-medication and self-sabotage. They were no longer serving me, and I could no longer ignore the damage being done.

My choices were no longer allowing me to be the person I have always deeply desired to be. 

Laying down the armor I’d attempted to build around myself, to protect myself from the disappointment of this world, led me to realize it would never be enough. I opened up my heart to let my faith start to shine into every broken piece of me.

I opened my eyes to see God has more for me than I could have ever dreamed of. A peaceful, encouraging, and empowering marriage. A consistent, nurturing family with the same last name. A role of Mama, that gave me the true desires of my heart. A welcoming, life-giving church where our family can feel at home. A healing community of the most inspiring friendships and sisterhood. A purpose for my life. 

As I leaned in, He’s proven to me that He was there all along. He never left my side. He poured grace over me, even as I denied the better path. He forgave me and taught me how to forgive, even the worst of actions from the ones who were given the role to protect me the most.

He showed me forgiveness is a one-person job.

He gave me the capacity to discover I can do all things, through His provision. 

He shined His light of mercy through every dark path I traveled down. He lit the way through every valley, every shadow, every death. 

He proved to me through the sudden tragedy of my brother’s death in 2019, the lifelong disappointment of my father’s sickness, finalizing from COVID in 2020, and the torture of PSP my sweet Momma endured until she was carried to heaven in 2023 – that only Jesus saves us from this broken world.

Every time I ran, He followed. 

He didn’t waste a single moment, bad decision, or wrong turn. He used every struggle, every heartache, every moment of sorrow to build a faith in me I never knew existed. He used the pain, the wrestle of addiction, and the deep grief I’ve grown to know so well to build empathy, resilience and perseverance in me for each season that is coming around the corner next. He fills me with peace beyond understanding, He provides for my every step. He calms every storm. 

For when I am weak, I am made strong – even through faith as small as a mustard seed. He leads me to green pastures and still waters. He restores my soul.

The world may be broken, but Jesus is the only way through ✨

Powerful words from our sermon today…God didn’t just save me from my past, He saved me for His purpose for my future.

As I prepare for my personal baptism, I feel hopeful, encouraged and excited for what the future holds. Not because I expect things to be easier, not because I think God is going to bring me a winning lottery ticket. Instead, I feel so confident in God’s plans for me, I am laying down my fear, and trusting His gift of my spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind. 

Easter is the most profound and impactful part of humanity’s story. 

Healing is a journey, not a moment. I want to help others find their way through their unexpected Friday, and the deep discouragement of their dark Saturday, so they can find the path that leads to rejoicing on Sunday ✨

So, what do I do when I feel this undeniable calling to help others find the same healing, joy and light I have found?

Create the Celebrating Life Collective! through building a community of women who want strength peace, hope and cause for celebration in this overwhelming world. If you know anyone who wants to learn more, send them my way!

@: jesscelebratinglife@gmail.com

Inspired by:

✨My unwavering husband, my inspiring daughter, my creative son, all the family I was born with, and all the friends & family God has given me along the way, forever grateful for you all.

✨Messages from North Point Church ~ Based in Springfield, MO

✨The most amazing examples of love found at The Springfield Dream Center community.

Inspired Verses:

✨John 1:5

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

✨2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.”

✨Psalm 23 

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

He lets me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For You are with me. Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You have anointed my head with oil.

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the presence of the Lord forever.”

✨Matthew 17:20

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”