Back in 2019, I walked into the Springfield Dream Center. I remember the feeling, every step was almost too heavy as I dragged around this shell of myself. My big brother was no longer on this earth, and the tragedy had triggered something in me, as if all the pain I had suppressed over my lifetime came to the surface and was eating me alive. 

I was trying to be strong for my family, quietly crumbling and uncertain where to turn. I opened the doors to a safe place. I was met with a listening ear and compassion. With no judgement, my story was embraced like I was not too far gone. I released this pain that I had tried to carry alone and couldn’t any longer. I was met with guidance and next steps. I was given hope. Hope that I hadn’t felt was possible. Hope that brought healing.

Then 4 years later, in July of 2023, there I was walking back into the Springfield Dream Center building. This time I was there to discuss ways to give back to our community. I was the one needing the help the first time and I wanted to give back in the ways I had been helped before. But what I didn’t know was that my mom would be diagnosed with a terminal, and highly progressive brain disease just days before this meeting. I still wanted to give back. I still wanted to find my purpose through my pain. At the same time, I could feel the shadow of grief lurking, waiting to bury me yet again.

The meeting went differently than expected, instead of diving into ways to serve, we dove into ways to build a support system for me for the journey ahead. I ended up calling to schedule an appointment with a Licensed Counselor as I drove away. I asked to get coffee with a girl I met at church and then later joined a Women’s Group through North Point Nixa. I received the tools to build the support I would need to care for my Sweet Momma through the next 6 months to the end of her time on this earth. 

After several sessions with my Counselor, she handed me a piece of paper, cup of markers and asked me to draw “Grief”.

An image popped in my mind, my heart – full of holes pierced from this broken world, but filled with beautiful vibrant flowers growing out of the darkness. This was what I wanted grief to mean to me. 

Over the last two years, I’ve felt a tugging on my heart to take the next step to serve at the Dream Center. I have prayed for God to heal me and use me to help others who also walk the path of grief, addiction, tragedy, brokenness, and shine His light through all the darkness of this world. 

Fast forward to last night, I now found myself walking into the Dream Maker’s Gala. Through a path only God could have paved, I have the honor of joining the DC Development Board this year. I was overwhelmed with emotion to see flowers all around me at the Gala and to be a volunteer at the Flower Bar. Beautiful vibrant flowers. A night dedicated to bringing awareness and celebrating the seeds of hope being planted by the Springfield Dream Center in children, in families, in our community. Help for today, Hope for tomorrow.

The seeds of hope have been planted in me from this place, and the butterfly effect is immeasurable. 

This was not a coincidence. It was a God wink. 

God works and weaves our stories so beautifully. 

I don’t believe God ever causes pain or tragedy, but He never lets it go to waste. He works every single detail into good. 

We live in a broken world, and some of us are not meant to be here as long as others. God allows us to experience the brokenness of the world, just as we have to allow our children to experience it. 

He doesn’t stop there, God promises to provide all that we need to get through until our day comes that it is our time to join His kingdom.

Grief is a unique path for every person. There is no right or wrong way. 

God planted the words, “Through the darkness, there is Light”, in my mind the night I found out my brother went to Heaven. 

Now 6 years later, I’ve learned I don’t have to search for the light. God is the light. It is in me and surrounding me. It was right there in the middle of the darkness the whole time. God was pulling out the weeds of my guilt and shame, He was planting seeds of hope and truth, He was watering me with love and joy from everyone He placed on my path, and He is shining His light in me every step, every day. 

Jesus is our Gardener, all we have to do is let Him in ✨